One...and I'm DONE!!!

It is amazing to me how I feel like I have been stuck in finals for the last 6 months and at the same time it feels like they just started yesterday. Regardless of when they started or how long they have been going...this I do know...I am tired! Exhausted. Willing myself to put one foot in front of another...to keep holding my head up and not let my puffy swollen eyes, which haven't seen make up on them in nearly two weeks, close indefinitely. During the many hours of studying I have often daydreamed about manual ways to keep my eyes open so I could study more...tape...toothpicks...both I believe already tried, tested and proven not to work by good old Tom & Jerry!

So...today was test number three. I can hardly believe I am three for four and there is but one more! I get a silly grin on my face when I start fantasizing about what life is going to be like come noon on Friday. No more tests...no more reading...no more hours of studying...no more school obligations weighing heavily down on me so that no spare moment can be freely enjoyed...can you tell I haven't thought about this at all?!?!? :-)

This morning I had my Contracts test. Like I said in an earlier post, it was really difficult getting geared up to study for this test. I almost had a repeat of the Sunday before where I wanted to dig my heals in and tell God "No more!" It is at these times, when I feel overwhelmed and faced with the impossible that I am so vulnerable to be driven by my deep seeded desire to get things done on my own. How hard it is to submit and get done what needs to be done.

So obstinate little me struggled with rebellion and lack of desire to do the work that needed to be done. Saturday...I will be honest...not much got done. I sat for the majority of the day staring at my class outline with words and concepts swimming before me and no desire to figure out what the pieces where and how they all fit together. After so many wasted hours of pretending to myself that I was accomplishing something I decided to face reality and call it a day. The fact I had in my mind wasted a day was defeating. Difficult to not just give up and not return for another day. After taking a quick nap, I drug my sorry sad self to church...which as usual was where I needed to be. There is such a comfort in taking time to stop and thank God for what He is doing in your life and giving Him back the driver's seat. So not easy nor very often fun for me.

After church, since I had already conceded the day, I decided to go with it. I spent the evening helping Wendy get her very first Christmas tree in her very first house. (Imagine that...my truck coming in handy again!) Much fun to be a part of that. More fun to be able to help her decorate the tree and if but for a short two hours, enjoy the fact it is Christmas time.

So...since Saturday was a loss and previous multiple inquires left me firmly believing none of you were going to let me quit, I really had to pick it up and lay it down on Sunday to make up for lost time. Although many personal contracts with myself to not physically get out of my chair for a stipulated period of time were required, a lot was accomplished on Sunday. I worked my way through damages and began tackling offer and acceptance. Many hours were also put in on Monday, but dread and the feeling of unpreparedness hung heavy over my head. I found studying for this test difficult for a couple of reasons other than just tiredness or lack of motivation. This test was difficult to study for because it was an open book, open notes test. Sounds simple, but not so. May actually have been more difficult to prepare for then the previous tests. Because I wasn't working so hard to commit every little detail and buzz word to memory I didn't feel like I had a grasp on the information.

Weirdly, I was ok with the fact I might have been unprepared and freakishly calm about it! Last night was the best night of sleep I have had before a final ever. Didn't even think twice about my test. Got up this morning with the same sense of peace. Really felt if this is where God wants me to be worrying was a waste of energy especially since I had done the studying that needed to be done.

After completing my morning test routine of coffee with a bowl of granola and yogurt while reviewing my notes at The Beanery, I meandered my way over to the law school. Today pre final time went smoothly. No panic run back to the truck for a forgotten book. Laptop fired up smoothly and highlighters were strategically positioned on the desk. I was settled into my seat in the back row with 7 minutes to spare. All in all, I think my test went well. Surprising since I felt so unprepared going into it.

There were seven questions to be completed in three hours. So...just for some background, it can be reasonably assumed my contracts professor had some nerves going into this final as well. This was his first semester teaching contracts and as such it seems like he tried to test us on every nuance we learned over the semester. Because of that it was crazy hard getting the questions answered appropriately and sufficiently in the amount of time given. I seriously think if we had just four questions instead of seven I would have still ran out of time. Honestly, there was so much more I could have written. I am glad I am saying that and not saying I didn't have anything to write. That would be bad because at no point on a law exam should you not have more to write! Anyhow...I am happy now. Happy I feel good about my Contracts test. Happy that the Contracts test is over. Even happier that in less than 72 hours my first semester as a law student will be, for better or worse, OVER!!!