Months of studying, days interwoven with successes and failures, four tests and it was done. My post finals crash has inhibited me from writing sooner. Even now, four days later, my eyes are blurry, my brain is fuzzy and it is taking all my energy to sit down in front of a keyboard and write. It's amazing how you can be running at full throttle for so long and once you let up, just a little bit, your body doesn't know what to do. I've been so tired the last couple of days I just want to crash out on the new uber comfy couch in my mom's living room and stare at the white wall she keeps threatening to paint. On the other hand when I try to do the former scenario, I feel like I need, need, need to be doing something! No matter how tired I am my body is screaming that it needs to be up and busy. Very weird phenomenon. I'm sure if I'd gone to medical school I could have dissected the issue and gotten to the root of the problem. Since I am in law school instead, I will never know if this is normal or if I am a medical abnormality. Oh well...just something for my mind to keep itself busy with over the next four weeks!
Yes, as I said earlier finals are OVER!!! Friday at noon I submitted my Torts final and said goodbye to my first semester in law school. For better or worse it is done. I will say it was a little anti-climatic. Really weird to not have to race off and start studying for the next final. Amazing to know I could do anything I want wherever and whenever with no guilt of not studying hanging over my head. Thank you so much to all of you who have encouraged and supported me these past few months especially during finals. There were multiple times I was throwing in the towel and you were there to spur me on to completion. For that I will be ever grateful. Regardless of the outcome, it is an amazing feeling to know that I finished and that I gave it my all and did my best.
Now...I get four weeks to recoup and relax before it begins all over again. I stayed down in Salem for a couple of extra days. It was nice to spend some time in the town that I now call home, but never see. I loved being able to enjoy the beautiful apartment my roommate and I have been blessed with. Now, I am back in Lynden enjoying the snow, seeing old friends and looking forward to a well deserved break! It will be interesting to see what the next four weeks and the next semester hold!
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
One...and I'm DONE!!!
It is amazing to me how I feel like I have been stuck in finals for the last 6 months and at the same time it feels like they just started yesterday. Regardless of when they started or how long they have been going...this I do know...I am tired! Exhausted. Willing myself to put one foot in front of another...to keep holding my head up and not let my puffy swollen eyes, which haven't seen make up on them in nearly two weeks, close indefinitely. During the many hours of studying I have often daydreamed about manual ways to keep my eyes open so I could study more...tape...toothpicks...both I believe already tried, tested and proven not to work by good old Tom & Jerry!
So...today was test number three. I can hardly believe I am three for four and there is but one more! I get a silly grin on my face when I start fantasizing about what life is going to be like come noon on Friday. No more tests...no more reading...no more hours of studying...no more school obligations weighing heavily down on me so that no spare moment can be freely enjoyed...can you tell I haven't thought about this at all?!?!? :-)
This morning I had my Contracts test. Like I said in an earlier post, it was really difficult getting geared up to study for this test. I almost had a repeat of the Sunday before where I wanted to dig my heals in and tell God "No more!" It is at these times, when I feel overwhelmed and faced with the impossible that I am so vulnerable to be driven by my deep seeded desire to get things done on my own. How hard it is to submit and get done what needs to be done.
So obstinate little me struggled with rebellion and lack of desire to do the work that needed to be done. Saturday...I will be honest...not much got done. I sat for the majority of the day staring at my class outline with words and concepts swimming before me and no desire to figure out what the pieces where and how they all fit together. After so many wasted hours of pretending to myself that I was accomplishing something I decided to face reality and call it a day. The fact I had in my mind wasted a day was defeating. Difficult to not just give up and not return for another day. After taking a quick nap, I drug my sorry sad self to church...which as usual was where I needed to be. There is such a comfort in taking time to stop and thank God for what He is doing in your life and giving Him back the driver's seat. So not easy nor very often fun for me.
After church, since I had already conceded the day, I decided to go with it. I spent the evening helping Wendy get her very first Christmas tree in her very first house. (Imagine that...my truck coming in handy again!) Much fun to be a part of that. More fun to be able to help her decorate the tree and if but for a short two hours, enjoy the fact it is Christmas time.
So...since Saturday was a loss and previous multiple inquires left me firmly believing none of you were going to let me quit, I really had to pick it up and lay it down on Sunday to make up for lost time. Although many personal contracts with myself to not physically get out of my chair for a stipulated period of time were required, a lot was accomplished on Sunday. I worked my way through damages and began tackling offer and acceptance. Many hours were also put in on Monday, but dread and the feeling of unpreparedness hung heavy over my head. I found studying for this test difficult for a couple of reasons other than just tiredness or lack of motivation. This test was difficult to study for because it was an open book, open notes test. Sounds simple, but not so. May actually have been more difficult to prepare for then the previous tests. Because I wasn't working so hard to commit every little detail and buzz word to memory I didn't feel like I had a grasp on the information.
Weirdly, I was ok with the fact I might have been unprepared and freakishly calm about it! Last night was the best night of sleep I have had before a final ever. Didn't even think twice about my test. Got up this morning with the same sense of peace. Really felt if this is where God wants me to be worrying was a waste of energy especially since I had done the studying that needed to be done.
After completing my morning test routine of coffee with a bowl of granola and yogurt while reviewing my notes at The Beanery, I meandered my way over to the law school. Today pre final time went smoothly. No panic run back to the truck for a forgotten book. Laptop fired up smoothly and highlighters were strategically positioned on the desk. I was settled into my seat in the back row with 7 minutes to spare. All in all, I think my test went well. Surprising since I felt so unprepared going into it.
There were seven questions to be completed in three hours. So...just for some background, it can be reasonably assumed my contracts professor had some nerves going into this final as well. This was his first semester teaching contracts and as such it seems like he tried to test us on every nuance we learned over the semester. Because of that it was crazy hard getting the questions answered appropriately and sufficiently in the amount of time given. I seriously think if we had just four questions instead of seven I would have still ran out of time. Honestly, there was so much more I could have written. I am glad I am saying that and not saying I didn't have anything to write. That would be bad because at no point on a law exam should you not have more to write! Anyhow...I am happy now. Happy I feel good about my Contracts test. Happy that the Contracts test is over. Even happier that in less than 72 hours my first semester as a law student will be, for better or worse, OVER!!!
So...today was test number three. I can hardly believe I am three for four and there is but one more! I get a silly grin on my face when I start fantasizing about what life is going to be like come noon on Friday. No more tests...no more reading...no more hours of studying...no more school obligations weighing heavily down on me so that no spare moment can be freely enjoyed...can you tell I haven't thought about this at all?!?!? :-)
This morning I had my Contracts test. Like I said in an earlier post, it was really difficult getting geared up to study for this test. I almost had a repeat of the Sunday before where I wanted to dig my heals in and tell God "No more!" It is at these times, when I feel overwhelmed and faced with the impossible that I am so vulnerable to be driven by my deep seeded desire to get things done on my own. How hard it is to submit and get done what needs to be done.
So obstinate little me struggled with rebellion and lack of desire to do the work that needed to be done. Saturday...I will be honest...not much got done. I sat for the majority of the day staring at my class outline with words and concepts swimming before me and no desire to figure out what the pieces where and how they all fit together. After so many wasted hours of pretending to myself that I was accomplishing something I decided to face reality and call it a day. The fact I had in my mind wasted a day was defeating. Difficult to not just give up and not return for another day. After taking a quick nap, I drug my sorry sad self to church...which as usual was where I needed to be. There is such a comfort in taking time to stop and thank God for what He is doing in your life and giving Him back the driver's seat. So not easy nor very often fun for me.
After church, since I had already conceded the day, I decided to go with it. I spent the evening helping Wendy get her very first Christmas tree in her very first house. (Imagine that...my truck coming in handy again!) Much fun to be a part of that. More fun to be able to help her decorate the tree and if but for a short two hours, enjoy the fact it is Christmas time.
So...since Saturday was a loss and previous multiple inquires left me firmly believing none of you were going to let me quit, I really had to pick it up and lay it down on Sunday to make up for lost time. Although many personal contracts with myself to not physically get out of my chair for a stipulated period of time were required, a lot was accomplished on Sunday. I worked my way through damages and began tackling offer and acceptance. Many hours were also put in on Monday, but dread and the feeling of unpreparedness hung heavy over my head. I found studying for this test difficult for a couple of reasons other than just tiredness or lack of motivation. This test was difficult to study for because it was an open book, open notes test. Sounds simple, but not so. May actually have been more difficult to prepare for then the previous tests. Because I wasn't working so hard to commit every little detail and buzz word to memory I didn't feel like I had a grasp on the information.
Weirdly, I was ok with the fact I might have been unprepared and freakishly calm about it! Last night was the best night of sleep I have had before a final ever. Didn't even think twice about my test. Got up this morning with the same sense of peace. Really felt if this is where God wants me to be worrying was a waste of energy especially since I had done the studying that needed to be done.
After completing my morning test routine of coffee with a bowl of granola and yogurt while reviewing my notes at The Beanery, I meandered my way over to the law school. Today pre final time went smoothly. No panic run back to the truck for a forgotten book. Laptop fired up smoothly and highlighters were strategically positioned on the desk. I was settled into my seat in the back row with 7 minutes to spare. All in all, I think my test went well. Surprising since I felt so unprepared going into it.
There were seven questions to be completed in three hours. So...just for some background, it can be reasonably assumed my contracts professor had some nerves going into this final as well. This was his first semester teaching contracts and as such it seems like he tried to test us on every nuance we learned over the semester. Because of that it was crazy hard getting the questions answered appropriately and sufficiently in the amount of time given. I seriously think if we had just four questions instead of seven I would have still ran out of time. Honestly, there was so much more I could have written. I am glad I am saying that and not saying I didn't have anything to write. That would be bad because at no point on a law exam should you not have more to write! Anyhow...I am happy now. Happy I feel good about my Contracts test. Happy that the Contracts test is over. Even happier that in less than 72 hours my first semester as a law student will be, for better or worse, OVER!!!
Saturday, December 6, 2008
An Arduous Process...
Let me tell you...finishing an exam and having to turn on a dime, dig in, consume and understand the next class' massive amounts of information is an arduous process...an exhausting one quite frankly. It kind of makes me think of drag racing. You are sitting on the track, your engine is powered and only firm pressure on the brake is keeping you on the starting line. Then the flag drops...and your car catapults to the finish line at full throttle, straining with every bit of its energy to cross that finish line first. Regardless of how you place, in the blink of an eye its over. All that work for 10 seconds of action...followed by a massive adrenaline rush...then the adrenaline crash!
An adrenaline crash it is! Yesterday, I felt sooooo good knowing two test were done. This morning is so hard to get motivated know there are two tests to go. My eyes are literally have a hard time focusing on the page in front of me. Every minute I waste not studying and distracting myself with such things as writing this blog is a minute I know I am going to wish I had back on Monday evening when my stomach is a knot wishing I had just one more day to study for the following morning's test. It's inevitable, but here I still sit with my Contracts outline staring at me...almost taunting me to give it my full attention. Guess whether I want to or not...it's time to jump in!
An adrenaline crash it is! Yesterday, I felt sooooo good knowing two test were done. This morning is so hard to get motivated know there are two tests to go. My eyes are literally have a hard time focusing on the page in front of me. Every minute I waste not studying and distracting myself with such things as writing this blog is a minute I know I am going to wish I had back on Monday evening when my stomach is a knot wishing I had just one more day to study for the following morning's test. It's inevitable, but here I still sit with my Contracts outline staring at me...almost taunting me to give it my full attention. Guess whether I want to or not...it's time to jump in!
Friday, December 5, 2008
Two More...
One week of finals down. One week of finals to go. Only two more test! Can I just say...Woo Hoo! I am so excited right now to have finished my first two tests. I can hardly imagine what I am going to feel like next Friday afternoon. Can't imagine and can't hardly wait!
So, since my test on Tuesday it has been study, study, study! I will admit, Tuesday evening, like tonight was really hard to focus and get much accomplished. I think it is the crash from all the adrenaline and stress leading up to the test. Wednesday...luckily...my study juices kicked in...my eyes refocused and my brain began to reabsorb...thankfully. I got to my top secret study spot (apparently not so top secret anymore because there are a couple of 1Ls up here tonight unfortunately) at about 9 in the morning and didn't leave until 11pm. I spent the majority of the day covering the second half of my Civil Procedure class which was mainly the trial process and applicable rules. Fun, fun..."right" she says dripping with sarcasm! I was so glad to get so much accomplished on Wednesday because I only had Thursday left to be prepared for today's test.
Thursday wasn't quite as smooth as Wednesday. About halfway in I started to get overwhelmed and defeated thinking there was no way I was going to be able to retain all the needed information. Thankfully, I was able to calm down and refocus. It was also really helpful that when I started working on the first half of the class I had a really good grasp on the information. Now whether I REALLY had a good grasp or not is left to be determined. After calling it a night at about 10pm and figuring it was going to be as good as it was going to be I headed home.
The night before today's test was a lot different then the night before my Crim Law test. There was a surprising calm and hint...let me stress hint...of confidence. This morning that feeling remanded with me until about 45 minutes before the test and that is when I felt my nerves getting the best of me and I had to fight to regain control. Sticking to my routine I created on Tuesday...out the door by 7am...to The Beanery for granola, yogurt and coffee as I reviewed my notes...all went well until 8:17am, just 13 minutes before the test was to commence.
Why that exact minute? Well, it was at that exact moment, as I scurried toward the front entrance of the law school, that I noticed one of the students holding his Federal Rules of Civil Procedure book, which I unfortunately was not holding in my hot little hands! My stress level went from 0 to 10 in about 1 second flat! That book was authorized to be used in the final. Because of that I had painstakingly highlighted, tabbed it and whited out any comments I had scribbled inside so it could be my trusted ally and sidekick as I wrestled my way through the exam. Now...I had a mere 13 minutes to retrieve my book, get back to the school, get my exam packet, find the classroom it would be held in, set up my laptop and exam software and go to the bathroom all before the proctor said "You 3 hour exam starts now!" This was a tall order considering my truck was on the other side of campus. (Isn't that typical? All student parking at a college is a far away as possible from the building the student has classes in? Never fails! Ok...small side rant!)
So...I hustled and I mean hustled, with the cold morning air nipping at me, to my truck and back to the law school. I snagged a test, scooted down to the classroom, did all other necessary tasks and slid into my seat seconds before the exam began...literally seconds. So, for any future test takers out there...don't follow my lead! This is NOT a good way to start off a three hour test. Here are a couple of reasons why....my ear plugs were rendered useless for the first 20 minutes because of my heart furiously pounding after its unexpected brisk morning workout. Secondly, cutting it close made me forgo my strategic seating plan resulting in my sitting in the coldest spot in that classroom, a seat very well known to any student who has had a class in that particular room. Finally...my little unplanned detour 13 minutes before the test just plain wasn't fun! Not recommended.
So...once I settled in, it was time for the test. Good news! It was composed of four questions instead of one gigantic manic fact pattern. I think I liked that much better! So, because of that, I allotted 45 minutes per question. First two questions went down smoothly and I was as cool as a cat thinking..."Wow, I might actually be able to do this law school test taking thing!" Then question three rolled up. Yeah...I am still wondering if that question was written in French or some other foreign language unbeknown to me. I kept getting lost and confused and had to fight so hard not to get discouraged. After wrestling with it for 25 minutes to no avail I decided to move on to the final question. Thankfully I was able to knock that question out quickly and sufficiently so that I could go back to the final question for about 35 minutes. Still, I tanked that question. Luckily, I was able to find the applicable statutes but I still didn't unpack the issues as completely as I wanted to and won't garner enough points. Hopefully, the other three will be sufficient for me to pass the test. If they aren't, I will be so disappointed, but I really knew that class. At least I will leave law school confident of one thing...I will know the procedures from removing a case to federal court and remanding it to state court. Never know how much that answer will get me on Jeopardy!!! Thanks for your prayers. One more week!
So, since my test on Tuesday it has been study, study, study! I will admit, Tuesday evening, like tonight was really hard to focus and get much accomplished. I think it is the crash from all the adrenaline and stress leading up to the test. Wednesday...luckily...my study juices kicked in...my eyes refocused and my brain began to reabsorb...thankfully. I got to my top secret study spot (apparently not so top secret anymore because there are a couple of 1Ls up here tonight unfortunately) at about 9 in the morning and didn't leave until 11pm. I spent the majority of the day covering the second half of my Civil Procedure class which was mainly the trial process and applicable rules. Fun, fun..."right" she says dripping with sarcasm! I was so glad to get so much accomplished on Wednesday because I only had Thursday left to be prepared for today's test.
Thursday wasn't quite as smooth as Wednesday. About halfway in I started to get overwhelmed and defeated thinking there was no way I was going to be able to retain all the needed information. Thankfully, I was able to calm down and refocus. It was also really helpful that when I started working on the first half of the class I had a really good grasp on the information. Now whether I REALLY had a good grasp or not is left to be determined. After calling it a night at about 10pm and figuring it was going to be as good as it was going to be I headed home.
The night before today's test was a lot different then the night before my Crim Law test. There was a surprising calm and hint...let me stress hint...of confidence. This morning that feeling remanded with me until about 45 minutes before the test and that is when I felt my nerves getting the best of me and I had to fight to regain control. Sticking to my routine I created on Tuesday...out the door by 7am...to The Beanery for granola, yogurt and coffee as I reviewed my notes...all went well until 8:17am, just 13 minutes before the test was to commence.
Why that exact minute? Well, it was at that exact moment, as I scurried toward the front entrance of the law school, that I noticed one of the students holding his Federal Rules of Civil Procedure book, which I unfortunately was not holding in my hot little hands! My stress level went from 0 to 10 in about 1 second flat! That book was authorized to be used in the final. Because of that I had painstakingly highlighted, tabbed it and whited out any comments I had scribbled inside so it could be my trusted ally and sidekick as I wrestled my way through the exam. Now...I had a mere 13 minutes to retrieve my book, get back to the school, get my exam packet, find the classroom it would be held in, set up my laptop and exam software and go to the bathroom all before the proctor said "You 3 hour exam starts now!" This was a tall order considering my truck was on the other side of campus. (Isn't that typical? All student parking at a college is a far away as possible from the building the student has classes in? Never fails! Ok...small side rant!)
So...I hustled and I mean hustled, with the cold morning air nipping at me, to my truck and back to the law school. I snagged a test, scooted down to the classroom, did all other necessary tasks and slid into my seat seconds before the exam began...literally seconds. So, for any future test takers out there...don't follow my lead! This is NOT a good way to start off a three hour test. Here are a couple of reasons why....my ear plugs were rendered useless for the first 20 minutes because of my heart furiously pounding after its unexpected brisk morning workout. Secondly, cutting it close made me forgo my strategic seating plan resulting in my sitting in the coldest spot in that classroom, a seat very well known to any student who has had a class in that particular room. Finally...my little unplanned detour 13 minutes before the test just plain wasn't fun! Not recommended.
So...once I settled in, it was time for the test. Good news! It was composed of four questions instead of one gigantic manic fact pattern. I think I liked that much better! So, because of that, I allotted 45 minutes per question. First two questions went down smoothly and I was as cool as a cat thinking..."Wow, I might actually be able to do this law school test taking thing!" Then question three rolled up. Yeah...I am still wondering if that question was written in French or some other foreign language unbeknown to me. I kept getting lost and confused and had to fight so hard not to get discouraged. After wrestling with it for 25 minutes to no avail I decided to move on to the final question. Thankfully I was able to knock that question out quickly and sufficiently so that I could go back to the final question for about 35 minutes. Still, I tanked that question. Luckily, I was able to find the applicable statutes but I still didn't unpack the issues as completely as I wanted to and won't garner enough points. Hopefully, the other three will be sufficient for me to pass the test. If they aren't, I will be so disappointed, but I really knew that class. At least I will leave law school confident of one thing...I will know the procedures from removing a case to federal court and remanding it to state court. Never know how much that answer will get me on Jeopardy!!! Thanks for your prayers. One more week!
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
One Down...Three to Go...
So Tuesday, December 2, the day that has long been looming on the horizon is finally here. Today was my Criminal Law Final...let me give you some background leading up to today.
The few days prior to this morning were intensely devoted to studying for my crim final, but there were some bumps and a few emotional breakdowns along the way. Friday, after saying goodbye to my mom who came down for Thanksgiving, the fun started. I spent the majority of that day trying to get my bearings on the information. Saturday is where doubt and desire to flee began to raise it's ugly head. The day started with frustration of not being able to find a good place to study. Finally landing in the "Fishbowl", a glass rotunda over in the undergrad library, I buckled down and dug in. After eight hours of reviewing and studying I left overwhelmed and defeated. On Sunday, the beast of "failure" continued to grow within me. By noon that day, I had justified why I could drop and not take any finals. With that firmly established in my mind, I didn't study all afternoon, enjoying all the tv shows I haven't seen because in law school there is no time for tv!
Well, God has a sense of humor doesn't He? Even though I made it very clear to Him I would be dropping out of law school and working at Starbucks, He let me know otherwise. Sunday evening, I had planned on meeting with my friend Wendy, who has been my mentor and major support over the last couple of months. After confidently laying out my decision to her I was told I would be taking the test. Hmmmmm...I wasn't too happy with that, but in the end Wendy was right. Not only did Wendy set me on the straight and narrow, she graciously devoted her valued time demonstrating to me that I really did know more than I thought I did. So, Sunday evening we spent 5 hours dissecting murder (ick! gross visual!), discussing strict liability and complicity among other things.
Monday, I really felt God's presence as I raced to make up for lost time. For the first time, things started "sticking" in my head to the point that I could finally recall them encouraging me to persevere. Again, Wendy took me under her wing spending her lunch break reviewing with me and helping me a plan of attack for the test. By the time I finished studying on Monday I felt like I would survive the test. No, I didn't feel like I was as prepared as I wanted to be, but worrying over that was a waste of energy and a lack of trust in God's desire to bring me through this adversity strong and wiser.
So...this morning...game on! Time for my first law school final. I got up about 6:30am. For many of you that know me, 6:30am is a time of day I avoid at all costs. Unfortunately, that was not an option today! I left the house by about 7am and headed to The Beanery, a local coffee shop. I spent an hour have a good breakfast (yogurt and granola), drinking coffee, spending time in prayer, reviewing my notes and trying to stay as calm as possible!
I arrived at school at about 8:10am, about 20 minutes before the test. You could feel the tension in the air as the school buzzed with 1Ls darting around attending to last minute details before the test began. Some were oblivious to the world with Ipods blaring in their ears, looking like an athlete before the big game. Others relieved their tension by joking around with friends, many of whom had not seen each other in a long time because all have been in hiding studying. Still others kept themselves busy by hunting for the perfect seat to sit in and take their test. This often required multiple failed attempts of setting up one's computer, setting out all the necessary writing utensils and assess the annoyance level of the students who settled in around them only to discover after all that work that a seat three rows down and five seats to the left look much more attractive...time to pack up, move and start all over again.
Amazingly, the last couple of minutes were filled with cheesy questions...what's my exam number? What class is this? How do I turn the software on? I was a little surprised considering we are all hyper type A personalities with strong tendencies to check, double check and triple check all elements of an objective and which elements could weaken the successful completion of the objective, passing the crim law exam. Apparently a few non type A personalities have slipped into our ranks! Oh, well...variety is good and provides for good pre exam entertainment and distraction.
About two minutes before the start of the test the IT guy came in to make sure we all had access to the exam soft so we could be off and running when the starting gun sounded (well...not a literal starting gun!). He was shortly followed by the exam proctor. After a couple of brief instructions, the clock started to run.
The air in the room was tense and filled with the sound of students ripping into their exam envelopes to extrapolate its contents. Inside the envelope, I found blue books, scratch paper, a pencil (which I wish I would've known it was in there!), scan tron and a twelve page exam...yes 12 pages, which included a 6 or 7 page fact pattern filled with murder, robbery, conspiracy and death. Have to admit, never had quite the amount of entertainment reading an exam in undergrad as I did this one. So, the next three hours flew by as I answered the multiple choice questions (there were only 10) and worked on solving the fact pattern riddle. All in all I am happy...happy the test is over...happy I didn't spend 3 hours staring at a computer screen with nothing to say...quite the contrary...I had too much too say and massively ran out of time.
So, it is a guarantee this final will not grab top paper honors. I am just hoping it garners enough points for me to pass the class. We'll see. It is entirely out of my hands right now and once this blog is posted I will be putting crim law out of my head! Now, it is time for some serious Civil Procedure cramming! That test will be this Friday at 8:30am. Again with the 8:30am. I think they need to make accommodations for the students that aren't morning people! I can already hear their arguments as to why they don't :-)
Finally, I just want to thank people for their prayers. I felt so supported by my family and particularly my Salem Alliance friends, many of whom I don't know, but who have adopted me, kind of like the stray cat that I am. God continues to reflect His love and care for me through others. Ultimately...this little law school project is His gig! I'm just along for the roller coaster of a ride!
The few days prior to this morning were intensely devoted to studying for my crim final, but there were some bumps and a few emotional breakdowns along the way. Friday, after saying goodbye to my mom who came down for Thanksgiving, the fun started. I spent the majority of that day trying to get my bearings on the information. Saturday is where doubt and desire to flee began to raise it's ugly head. The day started with frustration of not being able to find a good place to study. Finally landing in the "Fishbowl", a glass rotunda over in the undergrad library, I buckled down and dug in. After eight hours of reviewing and studying I left overwhelmed and defeated. On Sunday, the beast of "failure" continued to grow within me. By noon that day, I had justified why I could drop and not take any finals. With that firmly established in my mind, I didn't study all afternoon, enjoying all the tv shows I haven't seen because in law school there is no time for tv!
Well, God has a sense of humor doesn't He? Even though I made it very clear to Him I would be dropping out of law school and working at Starbucks, He let me know otherwise. Sunday evening, I had planned on meeting with my friend Wendy, who has been my mentor and major support over the last couple of months. After confidently laying out my decision to her I was told I would be taking the test. Hmmmmm...I wasn't too happy with that, but in the end Wendy was right. Not only did Wendy set me on the straight and narrow, she graciously devoted her valued time demonstrating to me that I really did know more than I thought I did. So, Sunday evening we spent 5 hours dissecting murder (ick! gross visual!), discussing strict liability and complicity among other things.
Monday, I really felt God's presence as I raced to make up for lost time. For the first time, things started "sticking" in my head to the point that I could finally recall them encouraging me to persevere. Again, Wendy took me under her wing spending her lunch break reviewing with me and helping me a plan of attack for the test. By the time I finished studying on Monday I felt like I would survive the test. No, I didn't feel like I was as prepared as I wanted to be, but worrying over that was a waste of energy and a lack of trust in God's desire to bring me through this adversity strong and wiser.
So...this morning...game on! Time for my first law school final. I got up about 6:30am. For many of you that know me, 6:30am is a time of day I avoid at all costs. Unfortunately, that was not an option today! I left the house by about 7am and headed to The Beanery, a local coffee shop. I spent an hour have a good breakfast (yogurt and granola), drinking coffee, spending time in prayer, reviewing my notes and trying to stay as calm as possible!
I arrived at school at about 8:10am, about 20 minutes before the test. You could feel the tension in the air as the school buzzed with 1Ls darting around attending to last minute details before the test began. Some were oblivious to the world with Ipods blaring in their ears, looking like an athlete before the big game. Others relieved their tension by joking around with friends, many of whom had not seen each other in a long time because all have been in hiding studying. Still others kept themselves busy by hunting for the perfect seat to sit in and take their test. This often required multiple failed attempts of setting up one's computer, setting out all the necessary writing utensils and assess the annoyance level of the students who settled in around them only to discover after all that work that a seat three rows down and five seats to the left look much more attractive...time to pack up, move and start all over again.
Amazingly, the last couple of minutes were filled with cheesy questions...what's my exam number? What class is this? How do I turn the software on? I was a little surprised considering we are all hyper type A personalities with strong tendencies to check, double check and triple check all elements of an objective and which elements could weaken the successful completion of the objective, passing the crim law exam. Apparently a few non type A personalities have slipped into our ranks! Oh, well...variety is good and provides for good pre exam entertainment and distraction.
About two minutes before the start of the test the IT guy came in to make sure we all had access to the exam soft so we could be off and running when the starting gun sounded (well...not a literal starting gun!). He was shortly followed by the exam proctor. After a couple of brief instructions, the clock started to run.
The air in the room was tense and filled with the sound of students ripping into their exam envelopes to extrapolate its contents. Inside the envelope, I found blue books, scratch paper, a pencil (which I wish I would've known it was in there!), scan tron and a twelve page exam...yes 12 pages, which included a 6 or 7 page fact pattern filled with murder, robbery, conspiracy and death. Have to admit, never had quite the amount of entertainment reading an exam in undergrad as I did this one. So, the next three hours flew by as I answered the multiple choice questions (there were only 10) and worked on solving the fact pattern riddle. All in all I am happy...happy the test is over...happy I didn't spend 3 hours staring at a computer screen with nothing to say...quite the contrary...I had too much too say and massively ran out of time.
So, it is a guarantee this final will not grab top paper honors. I am just hoping it garners enough points for me to pass the class. We'll see. It is entirely out of my hands right now and once this blog is posted I will be putting crim law out of my head! Now, it is time for some serious Civil Procedure cramming! That test will be this Friday at 8:30am. Again with the 8:30am. I think they need to make accommodations for the students that aren't morning people! I can already hear their arguments as to why they don't :-)
Finally, I just want to thank people for their prayers. I felt so supported by my family and particularly my Salem Alliance friends, many of whom I don't know, but who have adopted me, kind of like the stray cat that I am. God continues to reflect His love and care for me through others. Ultimately...this little law school project is His gig! I'm just along for the roller coaster of a ride!
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
A Knot in my Neck...
So...this persistent knot in my neck is a tell tale sign I'm hitting my breaking point! What I wouldn't pay for a massage right now...that is if I had money to pay :-)
As I sit here ignoring my studying by writing this blog, I can't turn my mind off from all that I have to learn. Today, we had our last class and it is now officially game on! Since class I have reviewed torts...not sure how much good that did and have worked on Crim Law. I so don't feel like anything is sticking in my head. I know what my problem is...I don't have a clue of how to tackle this stuff. I haven't figured out my game plan right now so I am just shooting from the hip. I don't have much more time to get this figured out. I am going to take tomorrow off from studying...my first full day off (if I actually accomplish it) since August. My mom is going to be here tonight for Thanksgiving and gives me a good excuse to close the books a bit. Friday I have to get things figured out if it kills me. One thing I have figured out...I have to stay away from other students because what little confidence I do have flies out the window when I am around them. They all seems so confident and on top of it. The funny thing is...I REALLY want to understand it. I really want to do well and that is a big heart change from even just 6 weeks ago. I really am starting to enjoy it. I really just need to start understanding it!
Anyhow...I hope you all have a great Thanksgiving with your families!
As I sit here ignoring my studying by writing this blog, I can't turn my mind off from all that I have to learn. Today, we had our last class and it is now officially game on! Since class I have reviewed torts...not sure how much good that did and have worked on Crim Law. I so don't feel like anything is sticking in my head. I know what my problem is...I don't have a clue of how to tackle this stuff. I haven't figured out my game plan right now so I am just shooting from the hip. I don't have much more time to get this figured out. I am going to take tomorrow off from studying...my first full day off (if I actually accomplish it) since August. My mom is going to be here tonight for Thanksgiving and gives me a good excuse to close the books a bit. Friday I have to get things figured out if it kills me. One thing I have figured out...I have to stay away from other students because what little confidence I do have flies out the window when I am around them. They all seems so confident and on top of it. The funny thing is...I REALLY want to understand it. I really want to do well and that is a big heart change from even just 6 weeks ago. I really am starting to enjoy it. I really just need to start understanding it!
Anyhow...I hope you all have a great Thanksgiving with your families!
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Lawyer or Scherpa?
So...as I hiked down the street to my study spot yesterdy I deeply contemplated whether I signed up to study for a new career in law or for a new career as a scherpa? It sure seems to me that on a highly regular basis I am carrying my weight in books from one point to another. Now that's a serious amout of books! Often the word for it is "painful"!
This last week was my final full week of classes. Next week there are some sporadic class requirements, but beyond that it is full throttle finals. Right now, as I type, I am sitting in a windowless computer lab in the basement of the law school library waiting as all my criminal law notes print slowly...very slowly...on a rickety old printer which wheezes and squeaks with every print leaving one to wonder if it will successfully accomplishes its task?!?!?
Earlier this morning I attended an Torts test taking prep class. I am trying really hard not to get discouraged. That can be an unfortunately slippery slope. The teaching assistants gave us 3 test questions. On the first question we had 10 minutes to spot issues and outline what our answer would be. I did ok in spotting the issues, I just didn't know what they meant by outlining it. It was really helpful to see what they meant.
On the second question, which had two parts, we had 20 minutes to spot issues, outline and write an answer for part A. For some reason I seriously froze on this question. Drew blanks! Everything looked familiar and I could see there were issues, but I couldn't for the life of me articulate them. I could easily answer the second part of the question, but that was not what was asked of me.
Finally, the third question. I had 45 minutes to spot issues, outline and write my answer. This time I was able to use my notes. Was so-so, nothing spectacular and I was not just super slow...I was super duper slow! All in all I think this was a really good learning opportunity and if I am not careful a really good opportunity for me to slid into the abyss of "I stink at this and am going to fail miserably!". I am really having a hard time recalling what I am learning and figuring out how it all interacts and applies. Over the next week I am going to have to have an awe moment on this stuff or I am basically screwed. The funny thing about that is I suddenly don't want to flunk out and want to make it to the next round.
Ok...my massive quantity of notes have finally stopped printing. (Where's Todd G. when I need him? He would be astounded by the miserable print quality and quickly make it all better for me!) So...I am off to wade my way through criminal law!!! Thank you again for your continued prayers!!!
This last week was my final full week of classes. Next week there are some sporadic class requirements, but beyond that it is full throttle finals. Right now, as I type, I am sitting in a windowless computer lab in the basement of the law school library waiting as all my criminal law notes print slowly...very slowly...on a rickety old printer which wheezes and squeaks with every print leaving one to wonder if it will successfully accomplishes its task?!?!?
Earlier this morning I attended an Torts test taking prep class. I am trying really hard not to get discouraged. That can be an unfortunately slippery slope. The teaching assistants gave us 3 test questions. On the first question we had 10 minutes to spot issues and outline what our answer would be. I did ok in spotting the issues, I just didn't know what they meant by outlining it. It was really helpful to see what they meant.
On the second question, which had two parts, we had 20 minutes to spot issues, outline and write an answer for part A. For some reason I seriously froze on this question. Drew blanks! Everything looked familiar and I could see there were issues, but I couldn't for the life of me articulate them. I could easily answer the second part of the question, but that was not what was asked of me.
Finally, the third question. I had 45 minutes to spot issues, outline and write my answer. This time I was able to use my notes. Was so-so, nothing spectacular and I was not just super slow...I was super duper slow! All in all I think this was a really good learning opportunity and if I am not careful a really good opportunity for me to slid into the abyss of "I stink at this and am going to fail miserably!". I am really having a hard time recalling what I am learning and figuring out how it all interacts and applies. Over the next week I am going to have to have an awe moment on this stuff or I am basically screwed. The funny thing about that is I suddenly don't want to flunk out and want to make it to the next round.
Ok...my massive quantity of notes have finally stopped printing. (Where's Todd G. when I need him? He would be astounded by the miserable print quality and quickly make it all better for me!) So...I am off to wade my way through criminal law!!! Thank you again for your continued prayers!!!
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
10 minute break...
So...I am giving myself a 10 minute break to do a little blogging. Seriously...I have to limit it to 10 minutes otherwise I will procrastinate for a good hour during which I should have been studying!
Today is "Two Week Tuesday"! Huh?!?!? you ask...Two weeks from today I will have completed writing my first final for law school. Can hardly believe it is only two weeks away! Still so much studying to do between here and there especially since I haven't done any studying for that final yet. My goal is to finish my Civil Procedure outline by Thursday. Work on Torts again on Friday and Saturday morning. Starting on Saturday afternoon, nothing but Criminal Law until the final on Tuesday, Dec. 2. I hope that is a good plan. We'll see. Everything is so suspect because I've never done this before and don't know if I am going about it correctly.
You would be amazed at the changes around school as finals approach. The student lounge is often empty even in the middle of the day where normal it is packed with students hanging out, laughing and having a good time. Any students in the lounge tend to be busy studying...go figure! The library is nuts. I haven't studied there for weeks. Too many people around equals too much noise. Luckily, I have been blessed with a couple of sweet study spots that seem to be working for me right now. Also, you see a lot of students with Ipods on and not necessarily for the "coolness" of it. Ipoding right now is a brilliant thing. It allows you to avoid the head games that go on. I have a really hard time hearing people talk about all the studying they have done and freely demonstrating their knowledge of a subject. I often have to battle my mind and not compare myself. Putting on headphones or avoiding other students has really helped me. Unfortunately, it is very isolating, but I figure it is just for a couple of weeks and then I can reenter society.
I have found myself back in the gym of late. This is a good thing although sometimes it is hard to close the books, put my tennis shoes on and work out. Such a stress reliever and for that one hour of workout my mind is often free of school and life. Also good because I really need to get back into the gym and take care of my physical self. Thankfully, God is giving me support in this area. A couple of my friends drag me into the gym with them. Accountability is a good thing.
Ok...my ten minutes is up! Gots to go back into isolation mode! Hope you are all well!
Today is "Two Week Tuesday"! Huh?!?!? you ask...Two weeks from today I will have completed writing my first final for law school. Can hardly believe it is only two weeks away! Still so much studying to do between here and there especially since I haven't done any studying for that final yet. My goal is to finish my Civil Procedure outline by Thursday. Work on Torts again on Friday and Saturday morning. Starting on Saturday afternoon, nothing but Criminal Law until the final on Tuesday, Dec. 2. I hope that is a good plan. We'll see. Everything is so suspect because I've never done this before and don't know if I am going about it correctly.
You would be amazed at the changes around school as finals approach. The student lounge is often empty even in the middle of the day where normal it is packed with students hanging out, laughing and having a good time. Any students in the lounge tend to be busy studying...go figure! The library is nuts. I haven't studied there for weeks. Too many people around equals too much noise. Luckily, I have been blessed with a couple of sweet study spots that seem to be working for me right now. Also, you see a lot of students with Ipods on and not necessarily for the "coolness" of it. Ipoding right now is a brilliant thing. It allows you to avoid the head games that go on. I have a really hard time hearing people talk about all the studying they have done and freely demonstrating their knowledge of a subject. I often have to battle my mind and not compare myself. Putting on headphones or avoiding other students has really helped me. Unfortunately, it is very isolating, but I figure it is just for a couple of weeks and then I can reenter society.
I have found myself back in the gym of late. This is a good thing although sometimes it is hard to close the books, put my tennis shoes on and work out. Such a stress reliever and for that one hour of workout my mind is often free of school and life. Also good because I really need to get back into the gym and take care of my physical self. Thankfully, God is giving me support in this area. A couple of my friends drag me into the gym with them. Accountability is a good thing.
Ok...my ten minutes is up! Gots to go back into isolation mode! Hope you are all well!
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Finishing with the Prosecution...
Hey, Hey...So tonight the Don Turner Moot Court competition ended. How lucky was I to get to witness with the winning team? Over the last four nights I have learned a lot and my appetite has been wet for the court room.Tonight, my team...Kelly Ireland and Jason Seibert, both 3Ls, represented the prosecution in a murder case. They did a great job. It was a lot of fun watching and learning from them.
Another great part of tonight, was that Oregon Supreme Court Chief Justice Paul De Muniz, presided over the trial. It was interesting to watch him guide the trial and listen to him share his wisdom and experience with the contestants at the end of the evening. Just another perk of being a student at Willamette College of Law. Oh...here is a look at the final tally sheet. It was a close competition! (You can click on the image and it will be enlarged. Kinda cool!)
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
30 Days and Counting...
Seriously...hard to believe just 30 days from now I will be sitting here without any reading or research hanging over my head! As much as I am looking forward to that moment, it's the moments in between that are taking me to levels of stress I've never experienced before. Am trying to find a way to balance it and be ok with what I am doing.
So...besides regular class work and working on outlines...I've spent time helping with the Don Turner Moot Court competition this week. Monday night I got to be a witness for the defense playing the part of the accused's mom. Tonight, I was a witness for the prosecution. My heels came in handy as I played the part of Buffy, the slutty wife of the accused. Besides being a lot of fun, it is a great learning experience. Watching the teams compete and getting to hear input from the judges is really beneficial. Tonight's judge left me with a little bit of a ray of hope. After watching him run the competition, hearing his litigation stories and learning about his success in law, I was thinking...this boy is definitely a smartie. A graduate of Willamette in 2004, he provided some information that just brought sunshine to this 1L's life. He told us that he graduated second to last in his class!!! Yes, you read that correctly...second to last!!! Now, this is what made me laugh...he said every year he and the guy who graduated last in his class take a trip together to Vegas to celebrate. Isn't that great! Comforting to know that rank doesn't determine success. Now I just need to get that burnt into my brain!
Again...rank doesn't determine success! Hope you are all well! Drop me a line if you have time. Would be so nice to hear how you are doing! I miss hearing from people. I have to remember it's not all about me :-)
So...besides regular class work and working on outlines...I've spent time helping with the Don Turner Moot Court competition this week. Monday night I got to be a witness for the defense playing the part of the accused's mom. Tonight, I was a witness for the prosecution. My heels came in handy as I played the part of Buffy, the slutty wife of the accused. Besides being a lot of fun, it is a great learning experience. Watching the teams compete and getting to hear input from the judges is really beneficial. Tonight's judge left me with a little bit of a ray of hope. After watching him run the competition, hearing his litigation stories and learning about his success in law, I was thinking...this boy is definitely a smartie. A graduate of Willamette in 2004, he provided some information that just brought sunshine to this 1L's life. He told us that he graduated second to last in his class!!! Yes, you read that correctly...second to last!!! Now, this is what made me laugh...he said every year he and the guy who graduated last in his class take a trip together to Vegas to celebrate. Isn't that great! Comforting to know that rank doesn't determine success. Now I just need to get that burnt into my brain!
Again...rank doesn't determine success! Hope you are all well! Drop me a line if you have time. Would be so nice to hear how you are doing! I miss hearing from people. I have to remember it's not all about me :-)
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